Monday, September 19, 2011
The day life changed, the day I died!
This bog is with the assistance of Robert who watched me die and come back a different man on Feb 14, 2008!
Part 1
It was Feb 14 at app. around 11:30 pm as we arrived in Providence RI to do what has come to be a tradition in our circle and that is the midnight shot welcoming in the new birthday year. As a surprise I had all our local New England friends meeting at a local establishment for the midnight as Rob started his last year in his 30's number 39!
I was the driver he was resting for it was his night. Maybe my guardian angel knew I could of taken the impact that was about to happen and that the love of my life could not. I rarely drove before that day and less since! I turned the car to park and I awoke on Rob's lap, being asked if I was OK! I missed the entire accident and to this day it's emotional just talking about it. For a moment or two I died and came back as someone else! The car was totaled and if you saw it, you wonder how I walked out of the car! It was not my day but what was to come would be more devastating to me than death itself!
Sometimes when you have a major auto accident and you bleed the body releases the pressure and in some cases it causes less internal damage. I did not have a scar except for a huge bump on my head as the frame of the car hit my head at app. 45 mph and pushed me into Rob's lap. My shoulder ached and my right knew was bruised the next day from the steering wheel. I had just experienced head trauma and a concussion!
As we have sen in recent years people die from light head trauma (internal bleeding), but as I said it was not my time! It wa though a day for me to experience life as I would never would of imagined. Why I was kept here is beyond me, but as my friend Trebor told me recently, maybe it's for writing blogs such as these! When I can I bog about what touches me, what moves me, what relates to me and what I have passion for!
He was a young man with his new red Mustang I believe! He was out in town with all his friends but unforgettably UDI! I don't know if it was alcohol or weed or maybe even more! I just remember two things are the impact! People asking are you OK, and a young man running from inside the shinning red vehicle that changed my life forever running to the side of the building!
We were there to pick up our grandson! You see we have Micah one week a year and I don;t care what I had to suffer with I treasure my grandson and that week. So I refused the offer to go to the hospital headed to the hotel room and picked up Micah the next day and headed back to Jersey! Rob stayed up all night making sure I did not die and still drove back home. The creator gave me an angel on May 11, 199 @ 130 and that was Robert!
I was actually ok until the welling started to go down and the body adjusted to the impact days later! I started to get major headaches that would penetrate through my cervical spine that still continue today! I started to forget people, places and things! I had what they call total short term memory loss for app 8 months! I would get lost gong to work or coming home! I would forget people I just met hours ago, I lost my job! My memory eventually rewired itself or it would of been a permanent disability. However it has never been the same. Sometimes I awake and don't know who Rob is still today! Sometimes I call out my x-wife and expect her next to me and glad to see Rob when I realize the mistake.
I had what they call night tremors and believed I was killing people at nights. Rob took many beatings as I lived these dreams! My neurologist said one day, " and he is still with you"! Many nights Rob stayed awake making sure I could breath. For some reason I would stop breathing. It became hard to fold clothes and holding a simple thing like a remote control was a heavy chore.
The day life changed, the day I died will continue on the next blog!
Part 1
It was Feb 14 at app. around 11:30 pm as we arrived in Providence RI to do what has come to be a tradition in our circle and that is the midnight shot welcoming in the new birthday year. As a surprise I had all our local New England friends meeting at a local establishment for the midnight as Rob started his last year in his 30's number 39!
I was the driver he was resting for it was his night. Maybe my guardian angel knew I could of taken the impact that was about to happen and that the love of my life could not. I rarely drove before that day and less since! I turned the car to park and I awoke on Rob's lap, being asked if I was OK! I missed the entire accident and to this day it's emotional just talking about it. For a moment or two I died and came back as someone else! The car was totaled and if you saw it, you wonder how I walked out of the car! It was not my day but what was to come would be more devastating to me than death itself!
Sometimes when you have a major auto accident and you bleed the body releases the pressure and in some cases it causes less internal damage. I did not have a scar except for a huge bump on my head as the frame of the car hit my head at app. 45 mph and pushed me into Rob's lap. My shoulder ached and my right knew was bruised the next day from the steering wheel. I had just experienced head trauma and a concussion!
As we have sen in recent years people die from light head trauma (internal bleeding), but as I said it was not my time! It wa though a day for me to experience life as I would never would of imagined. Why I was kept here is beyond me, but as my friend Trebor told me recently, maybe it's for writing blogs such as these! When I can I bog about what touches me, what moves me, what relates to me and what I have passion for!
He was a young man with his new red Mustang I believe! He was out in town with all his friends but unforgettably UDI! I don't know if it was alcohol or weed or maybe even more! I just remember two things are the impact! People asking are you OK, and a young man running from inside the shinning red vehicle that changed my life forever running to the side of the building!
We were there to pick up our grandson! You see we have Micah one week a year and I don;t care what I had to suffer with I treasure my grandson and that week. So I refused the offer to go to the hospital headed to the hotel room and picked up Micah the next day and headed back to Jersey! Rob stayed up all night making sure I did not die and still drove back home. The creator gave me an angel on May 11, 199 @ 130 and that was Robert!
I was actually ok until the welling started to go down and the body adjusted to the impact days later! I started to get major headaches that would penetrate through my cervical spine that still continue today! I started to forget people, places and things! I had what they call total short term memory loss for app 8 months! I would get lost gong to work or coming home! I would forget people I just met hours ago, I lost my job! My memory eventually rewired itself or it would of been a permanent disability. However it has never been the same. Sometimes I awake and don't know who Rob is still today! Sometimes I call out my x-wife and expect her next to me and glad to see Rob when I realize the mistake.
I had what they call night tremors and believed I was killing people at nights. Rob took many beatings as I lived these dreams! My neurologist said one day, " and he is still with you"! Many nights Rob stayed awake making sure I could breath. For some reason I would stop breathing. It became hard to fold clothes and holding a simple thing like a remote control was a heavy chore.
The day life changed, the day I died will continue on the next blog!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
The Meaningfulness of Live
It was believed that it needed to be in this way one had meaning in life; God, Family, Friends then yourself! Of course we have learned that if one does not LOVE oneself none of the fore-mentioned can happen, so this order a of successful life was flawed! There lays the problem!
Through my life and my generation, one was never told that in order for one to LOVE anyone, they had to love themselves first. I spent my life taking care of my family, wife, children and never once thought of me. It was believed we were always put last instead of first."For god loved the world, so much he gave his son in exchange for many" and so it goes. But God did not give himself as some religions teach! No, he was first and the earth somewhere after, for we do not know what else exists.
I have read many books including the bible and have been privileged to be surrounded by wonderful people and a great man, but unless you look in the mirror and are satisfied with what you see the puzzle will never be finished.
Finish the puzzle find a way to love yourself and happiness will follow! How does one do this in future blogs~
Dr. Q
Through my life and my generation, one was never told that in order for one to LOVE anyone, they had to love themselves first. I spent my life taking care of my family, wife, children and never once thought of me. It was believed we were always put last instead of first."For god loved the world, so much he gave his son in exchange for many" and so it goes. But God did not give himself as some religions teach! No, he was first and the earth somewhere after, for we do not know what else exists.
I have read many books including the bible and have been privileged to be surrounded by wonderful people and a great man, but unless you look in the mirror and are satisfied with what you see the puzzle will never be finished.
Finish the puzzle find a way to love yourself and happiness will follow! How does one do this in future blogs~
Dr. Q
Friday, September 9, 2011
As you face death, one ask's WHY?
Often people ask what death are you facing? What disease do you have that makes you run this blog? Plainly put we are all dying so it's not surprising one would run a blog like this! However this blog is dedicated to my sister who besides being the epidimy of good is dealing with cancer and that being terminal!
My dad died around his early 40's so I never thought I would last this long! Two of my aunts died an early age so as a child I thought I would never reach my 50's! Well here I am! Yes I do have many challenges ahead since my accident in 2008! Dam that DUI driver. My life changed forever and it's never been the same. Today my mind is working but my legs are a challenge. There is always a part of my body I am dealing with it!
So I look around and read allot when I can and I ask why?
Why don't we learn from past mistakes?
Why don't after, we have spent billions or maybe trillions have a cure for cancer?
Why do children refuse to listen to people who have experienced challenges, their parents or senior's?
Why did we not put into practice "things l;earned from 9/11"?
Why do we have a shrine and a charge dedicated to the "Lady of Milk" in St Augustine?
Why do we insist the creator is a "male"?
Why do we waste billions in government with no accountability?
Why does it take almost 6 years to settle my law suite when I was hit by a DUI driver?
Why do most of the people living in my area stay home and get food stamps?
Why is over the counter drugs, the drug of choice in our area and cocaine and meth popular in the Miami area?
Why do friends hurt each other, if they are friends?
WHY DID WE LOSE OUR FREEDOM ON 9/11 and now are considered guilty at airports instead of innocent?
Why do people say they will stay in touch, when they have no intention of doing so?
Why did it take the manager of the Holiday Inn I recently stayed in 3 days to to contact me when they guarantee you're stay as pleasant or your money back?
So many why's!!!!!!!!
You know from my late 20's to my late 40's I never gave much thought as to why! I was busy managing people, traveling the world providing ideas to improved technology, speaking about quality and implementing ways of doing things better. But now that I look back, most of this was due to "having to do it" verses "wanting to do it". Why? Did we have to experience a collapse of the automotive industry in the 70's to realize the Japanese were putting Quality first in their manufacturing and thereby beating our asses! Did we think the American people were idiots enough to keep buying shitty cars because they were American?
So yes as we age and at times when we are facing death we ask allot of why's! My sister has never asked why since she has been so good, married to one man since age 16, rarely if ever bad mouth anyone, very religious and extremely loving why she out of all of those we know is dealing with terminal cancer.
But as I write this I know why! There is no answer as to why's! There is do or die! We all have an impact directly or indirectly with those we encounter and sometimes there lies the why, the why we will never know!
Dr Q
My dad died around his early 40's so I never thought I would last this long! Two of my aunts died an early age so as a child I thought I would never reach my 50's! Well here I am! Yes I do have many challenges ahead since my accident in 2008! Dam that DUI driver. My life changed forever and it's never been the same. Today my mind is working but my legs are a challenge. There is always a part of my body I am dealing with it!
So I look around and read allot when I can and I ask why?
Why don't we learn from past mistakes?
Why don't after, we have spent billions or maybe trillions have a cure for cancer?
Why do children refuse to listen to people who have experienced challenges, their parents or senior's?
Why did we not put into practice "things l;earned from 9/11"?
Why do we have a shrine and a charge dedicated to the "Lady of Milk" in St Augustine?
Why do we insist the creator is a "male"?
Why do we waste billions in government with no accountability?
Why does it take almost 6 years to settle my law suite when I was hit by a DUI driver?
Why do most of the people living in my area stay home and get food stamps?
Why is over the counter drugs, the drug of choice in our area and cocaine and meth popular in the Miami area?
Why do friends hurt each other, if they are friends?
WHY DID WE LOSE OUR FREEDOM ON 9/11 and now are considered guilty at airports instead of innocent?
Why do people say they will stay in touch, when they have no intention of doing so?
Why did it take the manager of the Holiday Inn I recently stayed in 3 days to to contact me when they guarantee you're stay as pleasant or your money back?
So many why's!!!!!!!!
You know from my late 20's to my late 40's I never gave much thought as to why! I was busy managing people, traveling the world providing ideas to improved technology, speaking about quality and implementing ways of doing things better. But now that I look back, most of this was due to "having to do it" verses "wanting to do it". Why? Did we have to experience a collapse of the automotive industry in the 70's to realize the Japanese were putting Quality first in their manufacturing and thereby beating our asses! Did we think the American people were idiots enough to keep buying shitty cars because they were American?
So yes as we age and at times when we are facing death we ask allot of why's! My sister has never asked why since she has been so good, married to one man since age 16, rarely if ever bad mouth anyone, very religious and extremely loving why she out of all of those we know is dealing with terminal cancer.
But as I write this I know why! There is no answer as to why's! There is do or die! We all have an impact directly or indirectly with those we encounter and sometimes there lies the why, the why we will never know!
Dr Q
Monday, August 15, 2011
Talking Helps, Listening Heals!
I woke up this morning with a pain in my lower back that penetrates down my right leg and is so strong that if it wasn’t for the walls I would fall (this is why my surgeon said I should not drive until we know what going on). Ok but that is not the reason for this blog! Lots of people in the world live with worse pain and very difficult situations!
But I find talking helps me! I blog and through blogging it helps me stay in touch with current events and still give me purpose. Maybe my experiences, knowledge and just maybe a small sentence or word through my blogs can help someone as much as it helps me!
You see talking helps! Have you noticed there are group meetings for almost any disease on earth? Small communities that share what they are dealing with and talk it out! The interesting thing is that talking helps, but in these groups there are a dozen or other people sharing their experiences and so LISTENING HEALS!
It is often said that the creator gave you two years and one mouth for a reason. Well the reason is balance but you get the point!
Whether your facing death (we all are) or diagnosed with a terminal disease, or just feeling worthless (the most dangerous of all) talk to someone or those close to you but never forget to LISTEN, fort he talking helps but it's the power of listening and applying that heals!
Dr. Q
But I find talking helps me! I blog and through blogging it helps me stay in touch with current events and still give me purpose. Maybe my experiences, knowledge and just maybe a small sentence or word through my blogs can help someone as much as it helps me!
You see talking helps! Have you noticed there are group meetings for almost any disease on earth? Small communities that share what they are dealing with and talk it out! The interesting thing is that talking helps, but in these groups there are a dozen or other people sharing their experiences and so LISTENING HEALS!
It is often said that the creator gave you two years and one mouth for a reason. Well the reason is balance but you get the point!
Whether your facing death (we all are) or diagnosed with a terminal disease, or just feeling worthless (the most dangerous of all) talk to someone or those close to you but never forget to LISTEN, fort he talking helps but it's the power of listening and applying that heals!
Dr. Q
Friday, August 5, 2011
I should of died!
A few years ago most of you know I had a major auto accident. It's never been the same. I have been in constant pain ever since! No matter what surgeries, what pills I suffer excruciating pain especially on my neck arms and legs!
This morning it’s my right leg. I blog so I don't think of the pain. I somehow believe I was kept alive for a reason, but what reason! Why did I not die that day? It would have been a perfect ending. I remember very little of the accident, but have suffered ever since. Of course this was made worse by the second auto accident. But it's the first that left me permanently basically paralyzed!
I try very hard to create a garden with Rob's help. I try to walk the dog and at times make it around one block! This is a man who could run, swim, ski, and jump from car to car with my friends (stupid) going 80 miles on a highway.
I don’t know why I did not die that day and I know there are worse people suffering than me. I try very hard not to complain! I do feel I hold Rob back! I can't dance (I loved to dance), I can't go out with him for too long without the pain causing us to either staying in the hotel room or I have to get back.
The head concussion has also left me with memory issues! Lately sometimes I forget who he is (it's scary). The good thing with memory issues is that movies you have seen shows you like are always new to you!
I will keep looking for a reason the creator kept me alive that day and I will stay the course because I am deeply in love with Rob! But at times it would be so easy to just fall asleep and move on! The glory days were so much fun! Nothing is the same when you deal with pain! So for those without pain and a happy life! Enjoy it things can change in a second!
Dr Q
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Marie you live on even after the American flag is gone!
Approximately almost a year ago we moved into this house. We found out that we had a neighbor like no other! Her name was Marie! I had the privileged to get to know her but her drinking buddy was Rob!
As my illness worsens I longer have a desire to drink. Occasionally yes I have a beer or two and hardly any hard liquor. My mom is very happy! To me it's another sign of it's almost time!
Marie said once in her 27 years living here in this neighborhood (she was the first to move here) she never met or had neighbors like us! To this day every time I walk by the house next door I think of those words. Yesterday her family finished selling all her belongings and took the American flag down. She loved that flag!
I actually got one like hers except in June I changed it to a (as she put it) a colorful flag! Yes the PRIDE flag! She asked so many questions related to why we need a flag, why we need parades etc. etc.
I and Rob loved Marie! I am sorry she is gone, but be assured until the day she dies she resides in us. And after we die she resides on the web forever. Rob and I ended up with a few things of Marie, but what we treasure most is her picture. She had a presence and a smile like Rob's. By the way she like1.5 lts of CC.
Marie I walked by today and noticed the flag is gone! The new buyers move in Oct 1st! But I want you to know that thought the American flag is gone, you never will!
Dr Q
As my illness worsens I longer have a desire to drink. Occasionally yes I have a beer or two and hardly any hard liquor. My mom is very happy! To me it's another sign of it's almost time!
Marie said once in her 27 years living here in this neighborhood (she was the first to move here) she never met or had neighbors like us! To this day every time I walk by the house next door I think of those words. Yesterday her family finished selling all her belongings and took the American flag down. She loved that flag!
I actually got one like hers except in June I changed it to a (as she put it) a colorful flag! Yes the PRIDE flag! She asked so many questions related to why we need a flag, why we need parades etc. etc.
I and Rob loved Marie! I am sorry she is gone, but be assured until the day she dies she resides in us. And after we die she resides on the web forever. Rob and I ended up with a few things of Marie, but what we treasure most is her picture. She had a presence and a smile like Rob's. By the way she like1.5 lts of CC.
Marie I walked by today and noticed the flag is gone! The new buyers move in Oct 1st! But I want you to know that thought the American flag is gone, you never will!
Dr Q
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