Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: How do we deal with grief? Blog is back!

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: How do we deal with grief? Blog is back!: I think my distaste for dealing with grief goes back to my grandfather's death and my aunt at a very young age. It was morbid, sad and lots ...

How do we deal with grief? Blog is back!

I think my distaste for dealing with grief goes back to my grandfather's death and my aunt at a very young age. It was morbid, sad and lots of yelling and crying. This left an impact that still effects me today! My mother's recent death just added to the pile of deaths I have yet to grief including my dd at age 17!

It's something I need to grasp since as we age unless we die first we will deal with lots of grief coming from different directions including the possibility of my love Robert! I have children and grand child so who knows. I also know my sister is dealing with terminal cancer and my brother has a self destructive mentality so a knock could mean serious bad news.

So how will I deal with grieving the loss of loved ones. Just my Bam Bam (though being a dog) almost got me into institutionalization! I just don;t do well with death of anyone or anything close to me!

Helping others I find easy:

• Acknowledge the situation.  “I heard that your _______ died.”  This shows that you are open to talk about the situation.
• Express concern.  “I’m sorry to hear that this happened to you.”
• Be genuine.  “I’m not sure what to do or say, but I want you to know I care.”
• Offer support.  “Please let me know what I can do for you.”
• Ask how your friend or loved one feels.  Do not presume to know how they feel.  Be a good listener.
• Find practical ways to help.  Deliver a meal or meals that freeze well and can be heated up in the coming days and weeks.  Offer to go grocery shopping or errand running, or even do their laundry.  If your friend or loved one has children, offer to take them to their activities, lessons, or sporting events, or just offer to take them on a special outing with you.
• Stay connected.  Don’t stop calling or visiting.  Make note of important dates and acknowledge them in the days, months, and even year to come.

But how do you deal with you're loss?

Well using my mother as an example:

• It's ok to cry, though my dad said a man does not cry! Parents fuck up their adult children at an early age!
• It's ok to feel the loss of the loved one
• It's ok to go over memories of youre relationship
• It's ok to miss that person
• It's ok to plaster youre wall with her pictures
• it's ok to make every meal she taught you how to make
• It's ok to mention her name every day
• It's ok to still love her
• It's ok to envision her around (be careful on this one)

People you love. don;t stop being loved upon death!I think this is whats missing from the discussion! Because someone dies does not mean you're love for that individual stops! To the contrary it may increase for a period and sometimes until you die. However it can't hamper you're willingness to live and move on!

My mother is always on my mind but so is Nelson, Steve, Brian and Joe! All gone too soon and all for the wrong reasons! Including my mom all could be alive today except for Steve!

To Live!

Dr Q

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: The end of a blog, the end of my mother!

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: The end of a blog, the end of my mother!: I actually started this blog in honor of my sister! It was and is one of the ways I deal with the possibility of someone I love that is expe...

The end of a blog, the end of my mother!

I actually started this blog in honor of my sister! It was and is one of the ways I deal with the possibility of someone I love that is expecting death. Unfortunetly, my mother beat my sister to it and based on the amount of illness in our family who knows what is next.

However people take this blog the wrong way, recently accusing me on Facebook of having Aids! Yes a family member  at that! Besides being false, I find that this blog has done it's purpose and like all things. this blog too will come to an end. The other two blogs will continue.

Losing my mother has become one of the hardest experiences to deal with. To the point where I found myself not wanting to live. Not that there isn't things and people around you not worth living for, but the love of a mother can't be replaced no matter if you're siblings thing you're in thirds place!

I dedicate this last blog to the woman who as long as I can remember worked extremely hard to bring 3 children up and love them. A woman who to her last breath tried hard to do things for her children and husband though her arthritis effecting her hands was extremely painful!

I dedicate this blog to the woman who still have items I bought for her when I was 16 almost 40 years ago. I dedicate this blog to the woman who had me and did a wonderful job bringing me up! I dedicate the blog to my mother, Dolores DeSousa a woman that forever lives in me, a woman I cherish, a woman I love a woman I called mother!

Its never a goodbye, its see you soon mother!

Signing off

You're son,
DR Q

Being HIV positive

My brother over a custody and financial battle over my mothers death has decided to pass along rumors of me being HIV positive. First its sad that it has come to this for I could say a few things about my brother and I refuse to go there. But you only have to look at me to see my status, I don't know if I could say the same about him loosing 40 lbs in weeks, but like I said I won't go there. And if I was it is nobody's business!

The mysterious illness is two automobile accidents that has cause two back surgeries and 4 screws to support my spine and 4 prostate surgeries just in 2011 alone. If my brother cared it would not be mysterious. Less focus on Mom's assets and more focus on your own life that seems to be full of secrets not mysteries!

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: When you can lose a Mother, Brother and Sister

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: When you can lose a Mother, Brother and Sister: If you read my blogs, you all know my mother died February 3, 2012! When I was a little boy the thought of losing my mother would make me c...

When you can lose a Mother, Brother and Sister

If you read my blogs, you all know my mother died February 3, 2012! When I was a little boy the thought of losing my mother would make me cry sometimes for hours. I was and still am an emotional person. My mother was everything to me. I remember as a little boy getting up in the middle of the night and she was sewing tablecloths to sell and make money.. You see my dad was not involved in our life, it was all my mother.

Her death devastated me, I can't sleep, I can't think and I am having difficulty moving forward. I even tried to overdose two days after she died but Rob kept me alive. Rob is my rock, my mother was my hero. I blog because it helps me deal with current difficult issues and challenges we face.

In addition when you.re mother dies and her husband is left behind (not our father) with alzeimers without a will defining who is taking care of him major issues develop. Everyone no matter the religion (Jehovah's Witnesses) or whatever the religion, they run for the material things and the money car furniture and maybe a way to kill  the old man as he is often called. He is not my father but I always respected him as such and though my mom's relationship was strained at the end she has this huge house because he worked dam hard to get it for her.

My mother and I lost 5 years being together because I decided to marry Robert! To quote I was told both my sister and mother disowned me! But after 5 years on my 50th birthday my mother called and we were back in touch again especially when she fell in love with Robert. Most of y life unlike my brother I suffered to have a relationship with my mother. It was hell with my first wife. I know my sister suffered too because my mother disliked her husband and the feeling was mutual from him.

But why did I lose a brother and sister! Well my daughter came down for a few days to be with me after my mothers death and one day she came home with a green garbage bag with stuff (i call treasure) no-one wanted including their wedding pictures and of course my grandsons picture as well. My sisters grandchildren stayed in the wall it was mine that was returned.

I will always love my sister who fights with terminal cancer daily and I will always love my brother because its the right thing to do, and what my mother would of expected. She always said "that's you're brother and I need him, because you and you're sister sick"!

I don't think my mother loved one above the other, but I know one thing, tonight she told me to let it go! In the end no matter what, even with my brother watching over her she died alone, but I know she thought of me during her last breath!My love for her was unconditional, from the heart!

One knows that for the set of dishes I bought for her when I was 16 she still had and was returned to me along with the trash bag full of memories and my mothers treasures!

You're forever son,
Abilio

MPM Tampa & MC Health hospitals to die for!

I can't honestly say, it's just the two above hospitals I am critical of! With all the money that goes into medicine and technology, the basic element of a hospital stay seems to be neglected! PEOPLE, the employees , the lack of people to people training. Most hospitals depict QUALITY and GREAT SERVICE in the front of the hospitals and the awards they have received for it. I always find that to be a display for we DON"T provide Quality or GREAT SERVICE!

It's like saying I am not prejudiced, my friend is black! People know if you're a prejudiced person, you don't have to advertise you're not! The same goes for hospitals! Word of mouth says you're a good hospital, not huge signs. I spent allot of my teens and adult life in hospitals and it's always those I don't see the huge signs I am most please with!

My next door neighbor who dreaded dying at MC Health (Bayonet Point Hospital), did just that about 6 months ago. And now my mother just had heart surgery there! I tried very hard to go in there when everything would be quiet and I would not be shocked at the poor quality and service directed at my mother. Well I found just the opposite. It's like I caught them off guard though to get in I had to get approval! And the fear my mother has of saying anything because the nurses can make her life miserable. Truth or not she feels that way!

MPM Tampa is no better! I honestly have to say the first shifts seem to be all over you and in some cases over do it with quality and service. And then the hell shifts kick in where the employees are not happy to be there and they make sure you know it!

Of course I spent my life fixing quality and service challenges in corporations so I don't understand why the same is not done in hospitals! I wast treated at one of the best hospitals in Miami Baptist Hospital and the same happened.It's as if Satan's coworkers come out and want to take you and you fight all night until the angels arrive in the morning.

OK, I will admit I have a low tolerance for incompetency and ignorant, arrogant employees who's job is to serve the public! I had a great surgeon once tell me "for the price you pay to be there, you should be treated like God's"! The problem is the employees think they are the God's, for they literally hold you're life hostage!

I am one to express my gratitude for some of the best doctors I have ever had in the Tampa Bay area. But I will no longer accept "yes we know the hospital has issues, but they are beyond my control"! If you're a doctor and you know the hospital is not working to par, don't send you're patient there for major surgery!

Its a problem so easy to fix! But recently when I wrote to a hospital Board of Directors, in the area with my complaints and recommendations and request for my information, they hired a lawyer to stand between them and I. I felt somewhat threaten, but did hospitals forget the first amendment?! You see it's cheaper to hire an attorney to get you to quiet down, than to put in place procedures and processes and then independently audit them!

May my mother live through this heart surgery for if any issues or challenges occur, I have enough in one visit to bury them, before they do my mother!

Dr Q