Oprah a material girl with no time!

I have never been followers not do I even like here. Not that I have any reason to dislike her, but she has always annoyed me and it's going on 25 years. As happy as she is the show is over, no-one could be happier than me that we no longer praise someone who takes from the white while being dishonest.

Rosie started with the giving away of gifts to the audiences and Oprah saw dollar signs and went thought the ninth degree to make sure she goes down in history as giving cars appliances etc. Believe me it did not cost Oprah a dime to give away anything. But it got publicity and her more money.

I just wish she would of adopted children or had some (oh let’s not forget dishonesty on being gay) and given of her time. It's easy to throw money around when it creates m ore for you, but time. Hummmm time with being a mother, helping those in need has no material reward.

I don’t wish her any bad fortune and hope her channel OWN meets its goals. However to me she will go down as a woman who utilized the white people greed for materialistic needs to become successful.

If she was a good woman and utilized her time to help others, she would have stopped Tom Cruise from making a fool of him on her show. But then again that got her more ratings.

Dumb ass people bought her crap and she has become one of the riches people in the world.

Chat soon
Dr Q

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: Some goals for 2011 and beyond!

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: Some goals for 2011 and beyond!: "People who have been given a number as to how long they should plan on being on earth at times focus too much on the present and not the fut..."

Some goals for 2011 and beyond!

People who have been given a number as to how long they should plan on being on earth at times focus too much on the present and not the future, since they are lead to believe there is none.

I would disagree with this understanding and definitely would not follow this advice! Now that I find myself on disability, I have to admit looking for positive things to do when you’re dealing with pain is somewhat difficult. However with the assistance of a good doctor you can have a very successful life and enjoy your days here.

I have a few goals for 2011 and beyond! One is to lose some weight! Sitting around the house has not done very much for better health. So as my sister returns next month we plan on walking. Yes I with a cane and with my doctors help with pain medication I know I can do it.

In addition Rob and I will plan some visits to see our children or have them come here. We will visit local places as time allows and I will continue my blog.

We as humans can do two things while awaiting the day! Sit around waiting for it to happen or live as it will never happen. I and I know my sister chose the latter.

Chat soon
Dr Q

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: A champion Moves On, Elizabeth Edwards!

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: A champion Moves On, Elizabeth Edwards!: "I call her a champion because she championed universal health needs for all American people. She championed Human Rights! Having basic, espe..."

A champion Moves On, Elizabeth Edwards!

I call her a champion because she championed universal health needs for all American people. She championed Human Rights! Having basic, especially preventive heath for everyone should not be a privilege but a right!

Healthy Americans can accomplish more and in the long run it helps the economy. I don’t have the numbers but I can only imagine based on my experience what they are as you look for doctors or charities that can assist with basic needs and as in my case major ones attached to it. I might have been able to continue to work if I had insurance, but without it become impossible.

Some people I believe are born ahead of their time! I believe Elizabeth Edwards was one of those! She lived every moment even when living was hard. I hear this from people dealing with terminal diseases and I hear this fro my sister who is dealing with the same cancer Elizabeth Edwards had.

Here I a at 3 AM blogging on this issue! I lay in bed thinking of what I have left to do and see. I keep wondering when the disability money (what little) kicks in so I can see my children, buy a rose bush and a lounge chair and enjoy the feel of a warm day against my skin.

Like Elizabeth Edwards, in our final years or days we all want one thing around us, family and the feeling of being alive, air, food beauty, laughter, and love.

Chat soon!
Dr Q

Too much assistance, BUT you must be broke!

One of my concerns through life has always been what happens when you have no insurance? I know certain hospitals have to take care of you when it’s critical but what about preventive care.

Well I received all my answers when I applied for SSDI and found myself without medical benefits. Amazing is the services available from the state and charities to keep you in good health. There is only one catch; you must be at the poverty level. This amazes me since you would think there would be assistance so that you would not have to depend on the government for the basics, food, clothing and a place to live.

The bottom line is that there is very good care available for free, but you have to be broke and dependent on another or totally on the government. This makes no sense but it's that way it's structured. Actually everyone fights to take care of you, i.e. private and government agencies. I am very grateful I have such services!

But as an example because my sister has a house and a little bit of money in the bank (middle income) she qualifies for none of what I get. I see private doctors, mental services, eye care and dental all free. My sister who is returning back here in Jan cannot get anything for free unless she is at the poverty level.

Someday I hope this gets ironed out. Assistance should be provided to avoid people from becoming poor and then a burden on government. Just like prevented healthcare there should be prevented poverty!

Chat soon
Dr Q

Mothers worry!

The last few weeks have been filled with doctor visits and tests and in all I have my fingers crossed nothing else materializes. I have actually had some good news lately. My hypertension is under control after almost 6 years of uncontrolled rhythm and hypertension. I also had some good new on the heart disease front.

That being said we need to follow up on other challenges I am dealing with in coming weeks and being the holiday season, I think doctors tend to tell you less than the truth. However on the way back from one of my appointments my neurologist said he may be concerned that there may be a tumor in my brain. Of course my mother was with me since Rob had to work and she went ballistic when I shared this with her.

I don’t have many people to talk to on what I am dealing with and I had though she up to date on my various challenges. Well she forgot one of the most important one I am dealing with. My children have their own lives and my daughter refuses to accept it. So I am left with Rob, My sis and brother. All of which are calm and optimistic except my mother.

You see as a parent, I understand my mothers concern! We never want our children to go before us! She is so afraid and worries my sister or I will leave earth before her and this worries her every moment. I have come to appreciate nobody cares like mothers! They brought you into this world and never anticipate leaving after me or my sister! I am so happy to be dealing with these challenges near my mom who worries so much about us and appreciate even more deeply she cares for me and Rob!

Chat soon!
Dr Q

My First Time! YES TIME!

Last night I noticed that I have been saying this allot lately, "this is my first time". For instance I have never taken the time to see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade from start to finish until this year. Though Rob and I were in the parade for 4 years!

There were a number of other times this week I said this and I instantly new why! I am now on disability and find myself with something I never had in my lifetime "TIME". I was working hard to manage a professional career, a family with 2 children some pets and rarely had time for myself never mind to spend it doing things that took hours.

So after disability there is something we can take advantage of, TIME! I realize I can take the time to do or see things I never got a change to do, I mean real uninterrupted TIME.

Most of you who read this won't get the blog until you find yourself with this much TIME. A few years ago I had surgery and the doctor said I needed six months to heal! I was at work the next day and what was to take six months took 18 months to heal. Like I said I never took the TIME to address my physical, spiritual, mental or medical needs until now.

So be assured though I love everyone within my inner and even outer circle, it's TIME for me to take the TIME to spend it on me!

Chat soon
Dr. Q

You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me!

I always found amazing the power of music. When I was a young boy I at times would live through the music. I was not a leader as a teenage, I was always the follower. It was one of my goals to be the center, the pillar of an organization or family. It took confidence later on in life to learn that thought you may be the pillar it's the organization or stay that makes it possible for a leader to succeed (the foundation).

As I started getting sick and especially after the back surgery, I felt I no longer played this role anywhere within my inner or outer circle. I have been wrestling this for almost 6 years. Well Cher (this may sound dumb to some) has a new song that is titled "you haven't seen the last of me". This is for a new movie, but the words are strong. It some cases depicts her life and mine.

The song in the last 2 days has been in my mind that what I was is still here. Yes I have been down and been back, I've been on my knees and have risen when seemed dark the light somehow shun through. Song's moved me since I can remember and thanks Cher you continue to move me. And to note to all don't count me out just yet, You Haven't Seen The Last of Me!

Why people turn to God during turmoil! Do we need to?

Let’s face it there are a number of people who believe in God, or something like a Gob. Some thing it's Christ which is reality Biblically is his son, and some get the Holy Spirit confused with the other two. This being a male dominated world I refrain from using God, Jehovah or Yaweth for a number of different reasons.

First, is it limits people ability to see out of the box. Yes when you personalize the creator yes to some it makes it seem more real. But then people start saying "him" and it’s not a him.

Second, the word God, gives you the impression he is there with you personally and common sense tells you he is mot. Just read the Bible and the creators presence alone (meaning his power) gave Moses some issues including again him instantly.

To me the word "Creator" is just that! Creator of the moon, galaxies, planets such as the sun and by then you starter figuring our making humans was not the most complicated part of the process. However maintain them and keeping them in line became a challenge.

And so one of the ways many return to the creator is when they get ill especially if they are dying! There seems to be a built in desire to come to terms as if in the last minute this amazing power will embrace you and all is ok. But what people need to know is this power is built within you. Humans have more power than they realize. As I believe the bible says, “we can move mountains”, and thought it was not literal mountains, we can conquer and at times do amazing things as we face numerous challenges.

So if you’re dealing with any type of illness and decide to get religious always remember, the power is within you. Grasping and making changes and utilizing it properly will become the challenge.

Chat soon,
Dr Q

Keep your mind busy during the day, or busy during the night!

I don't know why, bust since my first accident which I should be glad I was kept alive I started having nightmares. At first it was horrible ones with death all around me. I used to wake up feeling like I buried people in the garage, backyard and in the woods behind our Jersey room.

At first I could not get doctors to believe me. Then all these tests were done to find out there was some issues with my brain. For months every time I heard a siren I thought, yup they are here for me. These murders were so real! I would see dead people in my bedroom and talk to them until Rob would notch me and wake me up.

Well that went on and then a Doctor in Miami gave me some medication and it stopped. Now I have another dilemma. I am up all night and its very visit as I have discussions with my family on issues of the day. I also manage these people and tell them how to do it better. Again these go on until Rob nudges me and when I fall back to sleep I pick up the dream.

It's like I am awake while this is happening, but I can't stop it! I imagine the part of the brain I used for years is trying to stay active. All the Process Improvement books and papers I wrote are still stored there and now being used during my sleep.

I never killed anyone so I don't know why I had the Horror dreams! But the PI ones make sense. The brain is an amazing organ and who knows what my thoughts will do tomorrow night! One thing is for sure, I need to get my day more active so it tires out or my nights make me work.

The Bucket List

Last night I started but could not finish the movie the Bucket List. I had seen it before, but to explain it briefly it's two guys who meet at the hospital who have cancer and about 6 months-1 yeah to live.

And so the Idea starts to right down 10 things you want to do before you leave this planet. I have always found such movies exciting. First from the perspective it deals with the subject people don't talk about "death" and second, we all want to have a bucket list or as I call them short term goals.

There is a line that Nicholas delivers that brings a very good point to heart! "Do you want to do home and lay around getting the sympathy calls etc, or do you want to live life to its fullest". I can't stress enough that people not react with compassion or sympathy when someone is dying but instead encourage for them to keep living.

I have blogged about this subject than any other. A person is living until declared dead! And even with a terminal disease, many will go before us. Medicine has gone along way and one can last for years with terminal diseases. I honestly believe doctors should not tell people how long they have since many have proven the doctors wrong.

Anyway, I don’t have a bucket list. I have lived a great life and now just want to spend time with my kids, Rob and family. I was very busy that most often I did not have time for me, so I know spend lots of time doing things I enjoy, which revolves around my family.

Yes I would like to do some traveling, but I have this heart issue I now need to address that will stop me from lots of activities until they fix it, But overall everything is good in this house! With the anticipation of my sisters arrival excitement is in the air.

Chat soon
Dr Q

Educate while Blog, focus on living (to my family and friends)

One of the reasons I started this blog was to educate people of one's right to chose life or death as well as discuss some of what I am dealing with and share my thoughts and feelings with others.

It bothers me how people read my blog and then go out to friends and family and twist words or create drama. I spend lots of time trying to explain why I blog! It's a way to stay in touch with others, and share experiences as we all deal with various health issues some terminal. However key is to remember "a view of life", meaning we are living! People should focus on the positive verses the negative. This is the reason for my blog!

I ASK THAT PEOPLE, WHO KNOW ME family/friends, contact me instead of creating drama. Bottom line is we are all dying; just some are going faster than others. Some go extremely fast and without ever expecting. Usually do to an underlying challenge they did not know about.

That being said this simple blog is to express to get people to chat and share feelings, thoughts life's challenges. Though you may think your expressing care, discussing people's health issues including mine with others is not proper. Asking what a person is dealing with is not proper! Calling out of the blue to someone with challenges is not proper you’re welcome to comment on my blog or contact me.

I always express to people, if you did not associate with me before I got sick, don’t contact me when I do. It's like people who discover God or the Creator when they find out they are dying. Dying could take a long time and many can go before you even with a terminal illness!

Example; I remember like 8 years ago going to Miami to visit a friend of his who had been diagnosed with HART (AIDS) disease. He thought he was going to die and was in the process of committing suicide. Well a counselor got to him and 8 years later he is still here and looking good with a fantastic healthy muscular body and in a 6 year relationship.

THERE IS ENOUGH DRAMA IN THIS WORLD WITHOUT CREATING MORE!

Feeling good inside critical toward having a poositive attitude!

It is often said you are what you eat, and you are what you feel. Both of the statements are correct, expect in limited situations. Feelings which originate from the brain often are the guiding factor in a person who is sick to have a good day.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and say, wow dam nice. Other times I avoid the mirror all together. What makes people do this! Well a number of reasons as follows:

Positive feedback from those around goes along way to one feeling good.
Good news on the health front also helps.
Achieving a short term goals that you made is critical
Helping others, even though they should be helping you works.
Having faith for some in needed!
And so forth.

This week I was probed and needled for various tests. That part does not bother me. Rob was by my side and I can take anything with Rob by me. However this upcoming week with Rob working seasonal things change. I am preparing myself for an emotional week.

Feeling good inside means you need to spend allot of time retraining your brain. You still need to set goals! You need to get a hobby (like I blog) and you need to stay close to family or friends whichever works for you. Don't focus on short term pleasures, sometimes those leave you empty!

My belief is that there are greater things to come! That this life on earth is a training camp for us! This works for me most of the time. But look inside and make that a special focus, and if your successful your outside personality shines!

Until next time! Amore...

The Day After In My Office! Not Going Home Yet!

Today I had a few minutes to lounge in my office and take a few minutes to look around at my accomplishments.. To think of those that left an impact on me and vice versa. I looked at my FAA "You made a difference Award"! I looked at the notes that Spanish children’s glass sent to me when I left San Francisco. I looked at all my business cards up to 2002! I looked at the past and it felt good.....

As I sat there I wondered what impact I am leaving now. The funnel to the world will be my blogging. My mind is still somewhat active at least long term memory and I have lots to share and advice to give, if anyone wants to read or hear of it!

And I am sure as I move forward I will learn more and thereby add to my experience and therefore share more. I can't say it's easy! One needs a reason to belong, to participate, and to be whole! Man was not made to sit around and wait for death. We were designed and made to live, and so live I shall.

Already in our plans are trips to Europe. I hope to take Rob to Madeira, England, France and Asia so he experiences what I have experienced. We want to do a Disney Cruise with our Grandson Micah and of course we need to be mindful to not neglect our family in Boston or Miami.

So as I leave the past behind, I/we hope to build on it and blog as we move forward and live a happy successful somewhat healthy life while we can. Yes I will be going home but hopefully just not yet!

Another Milestone! Mixed Emotions!

It's one of those days your happy with the news and sad on what is ahead of you! Finally after almost 4 moths SSDI approved me! But as I said the happiness quickly ends when you know you have gone from over 100k a year to dependence on the federal government.

Not that I am not thankful and I thank everyone in the process that made this possible! But it took two major accidents that left me disabled along with a terminal illness to achieve this status.

How long I remain on this earth is unknown, but tonight we celebrate life and the assistance I invested in that now will support me until my days end here on planet earth.

For those that don’t know there are limitations on SSDI! You obviously can't work and you cannot live outside the country (no retiring in Spain).

Thanks again all and till I blog again!

When your day is occupied with doctors tests and pain!

Now that I live closer to my mother and aunt who are dealing with all kinds of illness due to age or hereditary diseases we spend lots of time chatting about what hurts, lack of sleep and the amount of pills we take. But none of these affect me or them more than seeing them/I deal with the pain.

Both my mom and aunt similar to me always lived very busy active people. Being restricted is the hardest to accept. I see my aunt try to help my uncle as they continue to get our house up to their standard. I see my mom just trying to bend over and walk (a huge challenge). And what effects me more is when they, like I speak about when we could do it all.

As you age we deal with pain, all kinds of probing tests and severe pain. I can't tell you how often Rob spends up at night when I have severe pain. There is not much he can do, but knowing he is there and then embracing me makes all better. I am lucky! My mom and Aunt don’t have this type of assistance, for their mates have their own issues due to age.

So my house again is a haven to discuss what we feel and how we deal with it. I remember once when my home was for dancing, running and lots of vibrant life all around us with kids and newborns. Those were the times!!!!

Today we still wobble to our chairs, we chat about what ails us and once in a while we go for some wings or lunch. All have to go home before the sunset or if it starts raining. But even as we deal with doctors, tests and pain, we find joy with each other and a huge smile is upon our faces when they come over to be with us.

Changes through time! A series of Blogs on my life!

From birth to your early teens time seems to be as slow as a snail! I remember looking at the clock when I was in school and looking the minutes drag! I would escape out of my body and most often not even realize I was in a classroom, just waiting for that bell to ring.

In my late teen’s time moved a little faster! Married at 17 and with two children by the age of 20 there seemed never to be enough time. Actually I would pray and often wonder why the creator just gave us 24 hours. There were days I would not sleep. I was father, mother, friend and a mentor to many from my late teens to early 30's. Those were some fun exciting scary times, but when one looks back every moment was a privilege to have on earth!

From the mid 30's to late 30's I spent lots of time finding out about me. My very good friend and brother-in-law often asked, Joe sit down, it always seems like your running from something! Of course he was right and always knew I was running from myself. So at 39 it was time for the next phase of time. TIME FOR ME!

I knew what I wanted in time, but time crept up on me and there was Rob 6 months later. Time has always been good to me as I look back!

From the 40's to early 50's Rob and I spent time traveling across the country due to my Job and Alaska. We have good times. Actually this 12 year span of time is why I believe we will always be together. What we experience during this time will be in future blogs.

When I got sick, we decided to spend time with the family first in Miami then now Tampa. We don’t know what time holds for us going forward! But based on past time there is a world waiting for us and we will take all the time to find it.

I can’t wait to gain the hour we lost today! Time all of a sudden is very important to me. I want my time back. Dam I have to wait 6 months for that time!

Preoccupied with death, am I? (feedback)

My brother who has become one of my anchors in life wrote to me last night and said "you seem to be preoccupied with death"!

Besides the fact I never expected my brother to become what he has turned out to be, kind, caring and loving, both toward me, Rob and the family, he is correct. It was not by choice that this has become a main focus in my life, it's because blogging helps me and others (based on feedback) and it's a subject rarely spoken about when eventually everyone will deal with it.

No one should get me wrong, I enjoy my life with my family here and frequently visit Rob's in Miami and my kids in Boston. Discussing what will eventually happen to me and all keeps me venting and not holding things inside. Blogging with you all, is like having a therapist that listens, but does not talk back. You see very few people in the world listen!

I run 3 blogs! One is on discussing death, while you’re living! It's something I strongly agree and will continue to do. But the other blogs hit every subject and are worth reading as is this one.

I love my brother and in many blogs hopefully I can discuss our relationship and upbringing. Some are very funny and hopefully he will allow me to share the experience. And maybe, he is correct about this subject! After all until things turn around, death is what I am facing and so it needs to be discussed (not main focus). But life is what I am doing and that discussion continues on "Abilio's view" and "from two Queens".

Keeps the feedback coming, you little Monsters!

A piece of the American pie!

Times are tough everywhere! People living with terminal diseases, don’t seem to focus too much long term! They tend to accept today and maybe plan for tomorrow. This is especially true as you get older or advance on those numbers they gave you on the doctor’s office.

I personally have two goals with Rob! One is to make a trip to Europe and end in Amsterdam and the other a safari in Africa or a combination of South America and Australia where I have family.

With the new republican congress and threats of cuts to SS, Disability etc. I don’t know financially if this will be possible. Everyone is mad at Obama for not giving senior’s cost of living increases when inflation has stabilized, just wait until the republicans start giving to the rich and take more from the poor.

I don’t know if I will be here for the revolution, but one is coming! It's inevitable! I just want my piece of the pie for working 43 years and putting into the system so I can live my last two dreams.

Live on my friends and may all your dreams come true!

A man's best friend...... YEAH man and his/her dog!

I have discussed a number of times that when a doctor say's 1-10 you figure you’re somewhere around 5! Every day you think about death verses the regular folks that are dying along with you, but don’t have a number associated with their name!

For those of you who have pets, when you come home they have been told too! No they were not at the doctor, but they have this sense that is just amazing. The days when I don’t feel good I used to have my long time friend Bam Bam (those who read my blogs know he died 3 weeks ago) next to me. Now it's Bett. Be assured even before I start telling Rob I feel like shit, Bett is already next to me as to comfort me.

She will lay next to my side of the bed if I am bedridden. If I am outside on our new deck getting some fresh air, there she is! I always marvel at how these friends know you need them. They don’t say I hope you feel better! They don’t get you water when your lips are dry and they don’t get you a snack!

But what they do for you is BE THERE! No questions asked any need for small chatter or they don’t even ask for attention. They are just a quiet friend there for you!

I am reminded of what of my closest friend said to me when I was a teenager. You see as a teenager I was often sick. Nelson came over one day and sat next to me! He did not say a word! We watched TV laughed a little and a few hours later he left. I said to him, I am sorry we did not chat much, because I was not feeling good. He said I just needed your company today.

I have never forgotten those words and always am mindful of his love for me. So friends come if different sizes and packages at times from all over the animal kingdom!

Dedicated to my boy who I miss so much, Bam Bam!

Tuesday's with Murray! When a hand is needed but not welcomed!

I have read this book many times and I quote it often. I do this with lots of material I have found useful in 52 years I have been here. I strongly recommend everyone read "the seven habits of highly successful people and the eighth habit"!

This book is a guide to success in business and life and also helps us appreciate our inner circle. Highlighted in these and many other self help book is the need to look at how fortunate we are, even when we don't think so! Like the Rainbow blog of last week!

As one deals with death in this world, and often alone since no-one wants to talk about it, there are things that start happening that gets you depressed but you still need to move on! There are parts of your body that start working properly and at 52 you start going through that line at the grocery store you went for your children and your parents went for you.

Murray said, the worse that could happen is if someone had to do the basic human needs like cleaning your ass for you! Well I can’t tell you how hard it is to have your partner check that area (non sexual) for you! So to everyone out there dealing with such issues you’re not alone and you know someone is in love with you who takes good care of you without the need to pay such as a nurse or nursing home.

I count my blessings and think of those within my circle that may be ashamed to discuss this. Recently my mom discussed this with me. She is 78 and sometimes has a need and why she misses my sister so much. Besides the company it's easier between mother and daughter as it is father and son.

So you young people reading this blog! Be fortunate your hand can reach where it needs to, for someday someone else's hand may be there, and it's not a pleasant experience! Nevertheless we joke about it laugh a little and move on in life...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

My Rainbow Weekend

It's interesting what a rainbow, yes a rainbow can do to your spirits. They happen constantly and sometimes we just plain either miss them, because we are focused on other matters, don't take the time to notice natural phenomenons or don't see the value!

Let me explain my rainbow weekend!

Rob and I left Friday to Miami for a number of personal reasons and like always we accomplish some but not all we aim to do! Last week in itself was a emotional weekend since we lost people we either have known, worked with or were related to our inner circle. And so I dedicate this to Sean, Heather and David's Mom since I don't remember her name!

Saturday we spend the day with one of what I call my angels on earth, Ron and his family. The embrace, well after years of not seeing him it itself a bog could be written. The intimate touching embrace we had at the bakery could write books. The day went perfect until Cheesecake Factory changed it all by their creasy shrimp followed by a goat cheese olive! I am sure some of you are vomiting right now! Well for the next 12 hours that is how I felt.

Sunday after a late start we headed home with our buddy coming back with us Uly. He of course because of being so happy to be on this trip starting drinking Sunday AM and now had to stop every 10 minutes for nature kept calling. We drove back with a spoiled 5 yo. One of our stops was on Alligator Alley!

Rob stopped the car after we just finished going through a heavy downpour and he forgot the lights, chargers everything electrical was on! So 20 minutes later the car would not start. At about now usually I would be like a shark going after bait, but as I turned around the most amazing thing happened! I saw the start and finish of a perfect half round rainbow. In my 52 years I have never seen a complete perfect circular rainbow so vivid it seemed someone painted in the sky.

I could not stop taking pictures and sharing it on Facebook. Everyone was pointing and starting at this amazing rainbow. It actually brought us joy and also a handsome man to help us start the car (well had nothing to do with the rainbow, or did it).

All the way home I wondered why a rainbow is associated with the gay community and I have the following possibilities:

Maybe it’s because we have a rainbow flag (minus the pink)
Maybe it’s because it creates joy (gay)
Maybe it's because Judy Garland sand one of the classics we embraced "over the rainbow"
Maybe it's just because

When you snap-The Lights May Go Out

This week we lost a loving friend we just started associating with! Someone my daughter loved and I know Rob and I would have followed suit. And then yesterday we got the news of an old friend who passed away. I remember when he and I worked the assembly line and technical troubleshooting. He was a wise young man and I would never let him get to me! Eventually we became friends and I enjoyed working with him for 5 years.

He became VP of sales for Microcom and then VP of sales for MTN. I have not seen him since 1999! He was a dad a loving husband a good golf player and extremely hansom and aged with perfection.

Based on feedback he snapped and the lights went out! I always remind everyone everybody has a breaking point. This is why we need to be respectful, kind and good to each other. There are many times I see no reason for living. There are times I am surrounded by a loving family a great partner and good friends and I still feel no reason to be here.

I don't know my breaking point. But I caution everyone that there is one for all of us. Some go alone when this happens some take the people that pissed them off. My friend Nelson lost his entire family to a person who snapped.

Please today and everyday do whatever you can to treat people with ultimate respect. Listen to them! Look for signs of depression! And most of all don’t intentionally piss anyone off. It may be there last day and yours!

When someone you loved leaves us! (dedicated to Heather)

If you’re a reader of my blog's you by now understand why I find there needs to be a dialog with family, friends and everyone in your inner circle on the subject of death! It happens to us all the time and if you have not encountered death, you will! It’s guaranteed.

One wonders why someone young has to leave while some of us who know death is around the corner stays. I mean if I could I would have taken Heather place I would! I have lived a good life, she was just starting hers. We know Gob did not need her, for I am sure the creator has what he/she needs!

Sometimes there is no explanation! Things befalls us all and when your number is called (sort of speaking) your up! I look at death very simplistic!

Enjoy everyone your in life and when they die enjoy the time you had them in your life. Heather had a brief time in our life. But no matter how brief, she was a joy to be with. For those that had more time, you all have more memories. Those are treasures humans leave behind.

When you think about it, whether 5, 25, 50 or 100! Let’s always remember the joy someone leaves and treasure those times and move on leaving our own based on what e learned from those that left us. And we can say see you soon! Because we are right behind them!

Loved you heather, and Rob says we will miss you girl!

Changes are a constant! In life and death!

The interesting thing about life is that we are told that changes are a constant. And we seem to believe that changes are something that keeps progressing.

One of the things that come to our attention when you’re dying is that changes sometimes go backwards. To us family becomes important so you may go back and see or talk to family members you haven't seen in some time. The same can be true of friends.

Lots of people go back and start a relationship with their God! This brings some the tranquility to moving on to the next phase of death.

Some want to be by the beach, or travel the world and accomplish things that they have yet to complete. And some just want to relax and let life be what it is.

The important thing to remember is that though change is the only constant, it's ok to revert back to complete items you have yet to challenge. The other is to know that moving forward is just as well ok to face unknowns. It all depends on the person!

Whatever you decide just make sure that you’re ready for the transition and that you are with those you love. My sister is coming home in December. I can't wait to0 be with her share special moments and embrace changes as we both move forward.

What to do to stay positive

I start seeing a federally funded Therapist Tuesday since depression is a condition that comes along with many people dealing with terminal illness. In my case I have been on depression medication since my first breakdown in 2006. Yesterday (I guess the Thursday I somehow don’t remember) I realized there is a few things I can do and therefore pass-along that can keep one on the positive side and have the willingness to move on and live.

This morning I feel somewhat down. Sometimes I can't explain! I got up this morning at 8 and when I had my long 8 month breakdown getting out of the bed was very difficult. I hope this is not a start on one to come. SO anyway this is what I have planned to keep me on the positive side of the line!

TALK TO MY MOTHER DAILY! My mother, who I treasure for being there when my dad was too busy drinking or seeing other woman/women, left stopped taking care of her children. Many times I used to see her cry wondering how she would feed 3 children and keep a roof over their heads. Today she is old and prays she goes first, so that her children don’t die before she does. So I have this plan to chat with my mother daily!

VOLUNTER! I spoke to a local charity to see if it's possible on my good days to spend a few hours volunteering and assisting others. We know based on studies when we help others we help ourselves.

DON'T HIDE! I will try as much as possible to talk to others. I have returned my BB and now have a basic cell phone and a house phone that will more than ever force me to answer it and receive encouragement from others as well as return it.

CONTINUE TO BLOG! When I blog I think others are reading and somehow I feel part of an extended community. It's like talking to a therapist! When people follow me I receive uplift, because maybe someone is feeling me and utilizing the information.

ACCEPT CHANGE! I am a believer successful people except and embrace change. Sometimes change means accepting change that takes you back to an earlier time when you were happy. This may mean giving up things that keep you away from those who care and embracing ones you thought never did. We as a society consider change to be more and more of what we don't need. I will try to do with less and making Rob, my children and family the focus of my life.

Don't know if this will work! But if not I will keep changing until I find what does.

A nice reminder if your dealing with death!

Dealing with Death - The True PositionWhen dealing with death, the solution is the same whether the death is our own or that of a loved one. As hard as it is to accept, we must understand that death is a part of life. As some have quipped, death is the only thing in life that comes with a 100% guarantee.

Also to note someone told me recently, "everyone wants to go to heaven, but no-one wants to die”.

A lot of people turn to religion on their last days or years on earth. I strongly recommend you complete anything bothering you and close any open issues with friends and family, the creator if religious and leave with PEACE!

Robert lost someone special many years ago and they way they sometimes make it sound they enjoyed Daniel's last days and the transition at times though emotional had some mystical memories. Death can be a special event, though that one will be missed and does not have to be a dreadful transition. Remember the person is living until their last breath!

Life's challenges in dealing with SSDI

Living in this great country and unless we allow it to deteriorate it will always remain a great country is that if you have a disability you can get SSI or SSDI. I have applied and I am sure will be approved (nothing in life is guaranteed, except death) for SSDI. Well I think most of you know that is the Federal Government paying you in return for you paying them for retirement or should you get terminally disabled.

I can't tell you the challenges you face applying for SSDI and now understand why most get a lawyer. I was fortunate to have a local charity assist me with the process and see the various doctors etc. There are many forms to complete assessments to take and mental experts to see along with physical ones.

This process started in June when I finally gave in and decided I was dying faster if I did not address some serious health issues. It was either close your eyes and continue to work and disregard the obvious I have been neglecting for 4 years or start addressing them. I have been able to hide this from my family and friends until just recently. Some of them put two and two together, connected the dots.. you get the picture.

I still don't except it, I feel fine except for a few challenges that I have learned to work around. I had a mental breakdown when I was first told that lasted 8 months of crying. Again no-one except Robert was aware of this. I was hospitalized many times, without work even knowing. I had this magical thing called wi-fi and a laptop and I had a great staff.

We decided 3 years ago to make the rounds see family in Miami then Tampa and eventually end up back home, but I think here we will stay for now.

Last week was a week from hell, almost institutionalized due to depression and even though I was sadden Rob lost his job, it's what saved me from being in a nut house  for lack of a better term.  Everyday is a challenge for me. I hope this Blog helps me and others and I periodically express what is going in my life so my family friends and people dealing with terminal illness know they are not alone.

This week its lawyers related to both accidents I have had that added to my many elements and supporting Rob as he stays positive and job hunts in this market. I thank my earthy angels (you know who you are) for being there for us. You’re one reason I am still here!

Living a good life with a positive circle of friends and family

If you are a follower’s of my blogs, by now you are aware I am living facing death! I say it that way because it's how I want to be treated. Some people start to die when they are diagnosed with a terminal some fight to live, I just accepted and moved on as if someone told me I had a bad tooth. You deal with the problem and emotion and then you live on.

That being said, this blog will focus on challenges I/people face when they have diagnosed with a terminal disease. There are so many side effects to diseases it’s unbelievable. Most people never die of the disease, they die of complications related to the specific disease.

Those that fight on, usually have something to fight for or just are afraid of death. I used to think constantly as to who would take care of Bam Bam as good as I would if I died before him. He needed me and in some way I needed him. I also used to think Robert needed me. But I have come to realize no human is depended on another. He would live on, just as would my kid's, mom, brother etc.

And so I live with the thought of why am I here! Some would say to enjoy life! Hummm, well I have to admit there are good days but unfortunately as the disease takes over your body you start having more bad than good days. You need to start planning for house care (we did this last week) you have to plan for the day when it comes and unlike people who are living every day (thought dying) we think of dying (while living).

In reality we are all dying, but those that are told 1-10, from that moment on think OK when will be the day, verses the people who are never given a number. They are dying too, but don't think about it. And so this blog will help me, as much as it will help you all to understand how a person feels when they have been diagnosed with a terminal disease. I have lost 4 people in my 51 years here, 3 to suicide and 1 to a disease worst than suicide, ALS.

This blog will deal with honest feelings and thoughts at the moment. Your welcome to join in the discussion and become part of something meaningful, since death eventually faces us all.