Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: How do we deal with grief? Blog is back!

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: How do we deal with grief? Blog is back!: I think my distaste for dealing with grief goes back to my grandfather's death and my aunt at a very young age. It was morbid, sad and lots ...

How do we deal with grief? Blog is back!

I think my distaste for dealing with grief goes back to my grandfather's death and my aunt at a very young age. It was morbid, sad and lots of yelling and crying. This left an impact that still effects me today! My mother's recent death just added to the pile of deaths I have yet to grief including my dd at age 17!

It's something I need to grasp since as we age unless we die first we will deal with lots of grief coming from different directions including the possibility of my love Robert! I have children and grand child so who knows. I also know my sister is dealing with terminal cancer and my brother has a self destructive mentality so a knock could mean serious bad news.

So how will I deal with grieving the loss of loved ones. Just my Bam Bam (though being a dog) almost got me into institutionalization! I just don;t do well with death of anyone or anything close to me!

Helping others I find easy:

• Acknowledge the situation.  “I heard that your _______ died.”  This shows that you are open to talk about the situation.
• Express concern.  “I’m sorry to hear that this happened to you.”
• Be genuine.  “I’m not sure what to do or say, but I want you to know I care.”
• Offer support.  “Please let me know what I can do for you.”
• Ask how your friend or loved one feels.  Do not presume to know how they feel.  Be a good listener.
• Find practical ways to help.  Deliver a meal or meals that freeze well and can be heated up in the coming days and weeks.  Offer to go grocery shopping or errand running, or even do their laundry.  If your friend or loved one has children, offer to take them to their activities, lessons, or sporting events, or just offer to take them on a special outing with you.
• Stay connected.  Don’t stop calling or visiting.  Make note of important dates and acknowledge them in the days, months, and even year to come.

But how do you deal with you're loss?

Well using my mother as an example:

• It's ok to cry, though my dad said a man does not cry! Parents fuck up their adult children at an early age!
• It's ok to feel the loss of the loved one
• It's ok to go over memories of youre relationship
• It's ok to miss that person
• It's ok to plaster youre wall with her pictures
• it's ok to make every meal she taught you how to make
• It's ok to mention her name every day
• It's ok to still love her
• It's ok to envision her around (be careful on this one)

People you love. don;t stop being loved upon death!I think this is whats missing from the discussion! Because someone dies does not mean you're love for that individual stops! To the contrary it may increase for a period and sometimes until you die. However it can't hamper you're willingness to live and move on!

My mother is always on my mind but so is Nelson, Steve, Brian and Joe! All gone too soon and all for the wrong reasons! Including my mom all could be alive today except for Steve!

To Live!

Dr Q

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: The end of a blog, the end of my mother!

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: The end of a blog, the end of my mother!: I actually started this blog in honor of my sister! It was and is one of the ways I deal with the possibility of someone I love that is expe...

The end of a blog, the end of my mother!

I actually started this blog in honor of my sister! It was and is one of the ways I deal with the possibility of someone I love that is expecting death. Unfortunetly, my mother beat my sister to it and based on the amount of illness in our family who knows what is next.

However people take this blog the wrong way, recently accusing me on Facebook of having Aids! Yes a family member  at that! Besides being false, I find that this blog has done it's purpose and like all things. this blog too will come to an end. The other two blogs will continue.

Losing my mother has become one of the hardest experiences to deal with. To the point where I found myself not wanting to live. Not that there isn't things and people around you not worth living for, but the love of a mother can't be replaced no matter if you're siblings thing you're in thirds place!

I dedicate this last blog to the woman who as long as I can remember worked extremely hard to bring 3 children up and love them. A woman who to her last breath tried hard to do things for her children and husband though her arthritis effecting her hands was extremely painful!

I dedicate this blog to the woman who still have items I bought for her when I was 16 almost 40 years ago. I dedicate this blog to the woman who had me and did a wonderful job bringing me up! I dedicate the blog to my mother, Dolores DeSousa a woman that forever lives in me, a woman I cherish, a woman I love a woman I called mother!

Its never a goodbye, its see you soon mother!

Signing off

You're son,
DR Q

Being HIV positive

My brother over a custody and financial battle over my mothers death has decided to pass along rumors of me being HIV positive. First its sad that it has come to this for I could say a few things about my brother and I refuse to go there. But you only have to look at me to see my status, I don't know if I could say the same about him loosing 40 lbs in weeks, but like I said I won't go there. And if I was it is nobody's business!

The mysterious illness is two automobile accidents that has cause two back surgeries and 4 screws to support my spine and 4 prostate surgeries just in 2011 alone. If my brother cared it would not be mysterious. Less focus on Mom's assets and more focus on your own life that seems to be full of secrets not mysteries!

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: When you can lose a Mother, Brother and Sister

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: When you can lose a Mother, Brother and Sister: If you read my blogs, you all know my mother died February 3, 2012! When I was a little boy the thought of losing my mother would make me c...

When you can lose a Mother, Brother and Sister

If you read my blogs, you all know my mother died February 3, 2012! When I was a little boy the thought of losing my mother would make me cry sometimes for hours. I was and still am an emotional person. My mother was everything to me. I remember as a little boy getting up in the middle of the night and she was sewing tablecloths to sell and make money.. You see my dad was not involved in our life, it was all my mother.

Her death devastated me, I can't sleep, I can't think and I am having difficulty moving forward. I even tried to overdose two days after she died but Rob kept me alive. Rob is my rock, my mother was my hero. I blog because it helps me deal with current difficult issues and challenges we face.

In addition when you.re mother dies and her husband is left behind (not our father) with alzeimers without a will defining who is taking care of him major issues develop. Everyone no matter the religion (Jehovah's Witnesses) or whatever the religion, they run for the material things and the money car furniture and maybe a way to kill  the old man as he is often called. He is not my father but I always respected him as such and though my mom's relationship was strained at the end she has this huge house because he worked dam hard to get it for her.

My mother and I lost 5 years being together because I decided to marry Robert! To quote I was told both my sister and mother disowned me! But after 5 years on my 50th birthday my mother called and we were back in touch again especially when she fell in love with Robert. Most of y life unlike my brother I suffered to have a relationship with my mother. It was hell with my first wife. I know my sister suffered too because my mother disliked her husband and the feeling was mutual from him.

But why did I lose a brother and sister! Well my daughter came down for a few days to be with me after my mothers death and one day she came home with a green garbage bag with stuff (i call treasure) no-one wanted including their wedding pictures and of course my grandsons picture as well. My sisters grandchildren stayed in the wall it was mine that was returned.

I will always love my sister who fights with terminal cancer daily and I will always love my brother because its the right thing to do, and what my mother would of expected. She always said "that's you're brother and I need him, because you and you're sister sick"!

I don't think my mother loved one above the other, but I know one thing, tonight she told me to let it go! In the end no matter what, even with my brother watching over her she died alone, but I know she thought of me during her last breath!My love for her was unconditional, from the heart!

One knows that for the set of dishes I bought for her when I was 16 she still had and was returned to me along with the trash bag full of memories and my mothers treasures!

You're forever son,
Abilio

MPM Tampa & MC Health hospitals to die for!

I can't honestly say, it's just the two above hospitals I am critical of! With all the money that goes into medicine and technology, the basic element of a hospital stay seems to be neglected! PEOPLE, the employees , the lack of people to people training. Most hospitals depict QUALITY and GREAT SERVICE in the front of the hospitals and the awards they have received for it. I always find that to be a display for we DON"T provide Quality or GREAT SERVICE!

It's like saying I am not prejudiced, my friend is black! People know if you're a prejudiced person, you don't have to advertise you're not! The same goes for hospitals! Word of mouth says you're a good hospital, not huge signs. I spent allot of my teens and adult life in hospitals and it's always those I don't see the huge signs I am most please with!

My next door neighbor who dreaded dying at MC Health (Bayonet Point Hospital), did just that about 6 months ago. And now my mother just had heart surgery there! I tried very hard to go in there when everything would be quiet and I would not be shocked at the poor quality and service directed at my mother. Well I found just the opposite. It's like I caught them off guard though to get in I had to get approval! And the fear my mother has of saying anything because the nurses can make her life miserable. Truth or not she feels that way!

MPM Tampa is no better! I honestly have to say the first shifts seem to be all over you and in some cases over do it with quality and service. And then the hell shifts kick in where the employees are not happy to be there and they make sure you know it!

Of course I spent my life fixing quality and service challenges in corporations so I don't understand why the same is not done in hospitals! I wast treated at one of the best hospitals in Miami Baptist Hospital and the same happened.It's as if Satan's coworkers come out and want to take you and you fight all night until the angels arrive in the morning.

OK, I will admit I have a low tolerance for incompetency and ignorant, arrogant employees who's job is to serve the public! I had a great surgeon once tell me "for the price you pay to be there, you should be treated like God's"! The problem is the employees think they are the God's, for they literally hold you're life hostage!

I am one to express my gratitude for some of the best doctors I have ever had in the Tampa Bay area. But I will no longer accept "yes we know the hospital has issues, but they are beyond my control"! If you're a doctor and you know the hospital is not working to par, don't send you're patient there for major surgery!

Its a problem so easy to fix! But recently when I wrote to a hospital Board of Directors, in the area with my complaints and recommendations and request for my information, they hired a lawyer to stand between them and I. I felt somewhat threaten, but did hospitals forget the first amendment?! You see it's cheaper to hire an attorney to get you to quiet down, than to put in place procedures and processes and then independently audit them!

May my mother live through this heart surgery for if any issues or challenges occur, I have enough in one visit to bury them, before they do my mother!

Dr Q

Pay up Mr. Warren Buffett

Warren Buffett owns GEIGO through Berkshire Hathaway, Mr Buffett you're a respected man so why don't you're companies like GEIGO pay out on large claims and make it miserable for consumers like me who for years never had an accident!

GEIGO lets you suffer and holds 250k

I had a great policy with GEIGO 250k. It's 4 years later and I am still fighting with my lawyer to get PIP payouts for medical, loss of work, living assistance etc. They use every trick in the book including very old doctors that no longer practice for IME's to avoid payout.

GEIGO is a despicable company that charges the most for insurance and takes every possible step not to pay it's claims. This has been going on for 4 years! The accident was 100% the other drives fault according to GEIGO investigation. They change adjusters constantly to confuse the customer (me) and the lawyer.

What they don;t realize is they fight and thought it left me disabled I fight back ever day too.

Love the sinner, Hate sin!

This is a statement I heard a number of years ago from a co-worker of mine who worked for the FAA and was Baptist! This statement was made because of me being gay and you love a gay person but hate the sin of gay sex!

Jehovah's Witnesses have recently accepted the same standing on this subject. They still because of ignorance associate being gay to being an alcoholic, a born evil person with a desire to kill etc. Never mind that science proves otherwise they insist the Bible says so!

So lets quickly review the Bible without prejudice! Lot slept with his daughters supposedly because they though they were the last human survivors to procreate. Solomon had 1000 wife's, I guess to procreate though the main reason was he wanted to! Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed not because of gay people , BUT BECAUSE LOT COULD NOT FIND ONE GOOD HUMAN! Jesus never mentioned anything about not loving gay people and/or the act of homosexuality!

I get the point that man should not lay down with man because they could not procreate (though woman could lay down with woman)! But technology today is what the technology then and today gay men can procreate! I know lots of gay men who have had children from a willing woman , their mother!

Hate the sinner, but not the sin is like "don't ask, don't tell"! It's like when blacks were not allowed in JW's hall's (they don't call them churches)! It's like when they were against organized religion just to become one!

With time they changed and I am happy having a JW family that at least know I can be loved by them. My sexual behavior should be no-ones business as is not if you're a heterosexual, bisexual or no-sexual, as we all become as we age. To use ignorance and thereby keep people from finding love and being happy and supporting heterosexuality with a divorce rate of 60% (gay divorce rate is heading that way) is ignorant.

What they or religion don't talk about is that homosexuality exists in the animal kingdom and even the plant kingdom! It would make sense to stop population growth it would become prevalent in the human kingdom.

Maybe that is why Jesus never mentioned since he knew that was not an issue. Just like embracing a prostitute was not an issue! It's LOVE after all, that he stressed was needed and would show his people to be different!

Dr Q

God forbid you need them, stay away from these Lawyers!

These lawyers are takers. There must be good lawyers out there, but these are not them.

They use the worm hook approach!

They make you feel like they care, get you're money and then disappear.

Stay away from these horrible despicable lawyers!




http://local.yahoo.com/info-14648933-the-law-offices-of-psetas-moore-tetlow-pa-port-richey?tab=reviews&rvwconf=1

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: Born with a self destructive button!

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: Born with a self destructive button!: There are good days but those bad days you ask, why were we not born with a self destructive button! Is this all a joke with the Various Go...

Born with a self destructive button!

Born with a self destructive button!

There are good days but those bad days you ask, why were we not born with a self destructive button! Is this all a joke with the Various God's (male/female neither exist) laughing at out misery and pain?

My day consists on living without a purpose, living in pain, living for the day chosen to move on.. But why? Why not just have a button that allows you to move on? Why do we need to tie exhaust extensions to our cars to fall asleep and move on? Why do we need to blow our heads off or take additional humans to move on? Why do we need to suffer and make those around us suffer too when a button could just make it so much easier?

A few years ago I was hit by a Drunk/Drugs Speeding driver. I am sure his joy ride did not have the intention of ending my life as I knew it. I rarely sleep! I have gained like 60 lbs, I can barely walk, I have nightmares (everyone is dead or dying around me! I keep Rob up at night working on my right leg, or giving me medication! I am fucking bored at doing nothing when my life was traveling the world! And etc.

My life now consists of the following:

Lawyers; Dealing with lawyers who in my option have no interest in yore pain, suffering or even justice! You're a case number and when they get to it, they get to it. Never mind it costs to go to a doctor, a hospital and even a ride to the store because I don’t drive. In my opinion they are waiting for you to die so the settlement becomes easier and they still get their cut!

Doctors; I have one or two that care, but the medical services needed here in Tampa Bay can't compare to Miami! There it was yes we know what you have we can fix it. Here it's we can guess and if we can't tell well wait till it falls off or turns black and we need to cut it off. Best of all would be if you died we could close you're case!

Hospitals: Like I have said lately to Morton Plant Mease BOD, it's a hit and miss! You can have a shift from heaven with nurses that care and take extremely good care of you or ones that want to push you along! It seems to be the case wherever you go or whom you meet from lawyers, doctors and hospitals. YOU"RE A BURDEN. You're not looked at as a customer or patient, but a burden!

Family; After a while family (except for my Rob) just moves on! Yes there is one or two who actually call and care. But everyone seems to be facing some type of major illness some terminal! There is no time for Joe! And honestly I don’t like the sympathy call. You're children who one thinks should be there for you are too busy making their own careers and with their friends. One forgets how important parents are. Some are lucky their children care!

Partner; My partner was the Creators way to prepare me for what they could foresee coming. We can't but it's in the cards and I am happy and honestly live for him!

Pain; There are no words defining my bad days! YES, there are good days! I wake up sing and at times feel nothing as it that February 14 2008 day never happened. Then a wrong twist or standing from the chair or a walk with the dog and it's all down hill from there. Being in Tampa Bay where prescriptions are the drug of choice it takes an act of a GOD to get some medication to relieve the pain for a few hours. Yes, they are trying to help an epidemic with our children and causing hell for us all!

Forgiving: I don't forgive that bastard and his friends who killed my life and soul on February, 14 2008!

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: The Loss of a Genius! See You Soon!

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: The Loss of a Genius! See You Soon!: I woke up this morning feeling just a little different! Even though all the same aliments still effect me yesterday a little of me was lost!...

The Loss of a Genius! See You Soon!

I woke up this morning feeling just a little different! Even though all the same aliments still effect me yesterday a little of me was lost! I never met Steve Job's or Bill Gates but indirectly I was very involved in supporting their genius efforts.

My teams tested one of their first computers as I was part of the team that invented the Modem! I tested his software and from the inset it was obvious the kid was a genius. I am not going to talk allot about what he di and what he achieved since it's all out there and the technology everywhere! I believe every human today in one way or another was impacted by Steve Jobs!

My sister is facing terminal cancer. I deal with the thought of loosing her everyday! But it reminds us that we are not immortal! It reminds us to appreciate every moment of life! To appreciate those around us who love us or even those that don't!

You knew Steve was dealing with health issues, but never once did I hear him complain! I am sure as my sister knows his time was limited but he pressed on with unimaginable product releases!

Being just 3 years younger than Steve and dealing with my own health challenges you wonder when you're time is up! But like the genius we lost we keep fighting and moving forward and enjoy life and maybe like him we leave a footprint that impacts someone's life!

See you soon!

Dr. Q

When death comes knocking!

Though I live very close to my mother, for some reason I tend to see her once a week. More often when my sister is here. My sister though dealing with terminal cancer is the joy of the family!

She is my inspiration, she is my love, she is my sister! The same goes for my mother, I never could imagine life without either of them. But I know soon death will come knocking! We all do but we don't talk about it, we talk about the good things in life! We have shrimp and cocktail and enjoy a warm fall or winter day! In Tampa Bay the locals love the fall and winter. It's when we go out and do BBQ's, swim and relax with family.

My sister comes back next month from Boston where she gets treatments for the summer! I long for her return! This time she comes when death may be knocking at my door. I have major surgery on Oct 18 and something is wrong with my right leg so I foresee another back surgery! There is no guarantees and honestly I asked the doctor (seriously) could he just move me along a little faster. Of course he became serious and "no-one dies on my watch" If only doctors could just speed things along!

You see some people keeps the doors shut holding death back! I actually wish many times, I would just fall asleep! Don't get me wrong I don't want to suffer! But that is the point I suffer everyday!

I see young people move their bodies in a way I wish I could. I watch them dance the way I once did! I watch the beauty of a young body and get sad I can barely move mine! Aging is no picnic but aging with pain is no buffet!

I sometimes think the creator allowed us to age to laugh at ourselves! The things people have to do while we age! Superior beings have to be laughing their asses off! I think we are their entertainment!

Kathy Griffin in a skid said she had to pack her ass crack due to the sweat! Been there done that for a diffeent reason! You have doctors probing every part of you're body, that you're no longer embarrassed, You have my dad who no longer knows where to sit, what door to open just exists!

You're children have grown and they rarely call! They have their life's! You're friends are too busy to care, they have their life's! You're immediate family have their pains and aches and thereby in their own world. Those you know that are healthy are happily enjoying life! I do live for my love Rob!

Nevertheless I for one when "death comes knocking". happily say, come in!

Dr. Q

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: Do loved ones bid farewell from beyond the grave?

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: Do loved ones bid farewell from beyond the grave?: Sometimes you just sense the presence of someone close to you, and it seemingly comes out of nowhere. Nina De Santo was about to close h...

Do loved ones bid farewell from beyond the grave?

Sometimes you just sense the presence of someone close to you, and it seemingly comes out of nowhere.

Nina De Santo was about to close her New Jersey hair salon one winter's night when she saw him standing outside the shop's glass front door.

It was Michael. He was a soft-spoken customer who'd been going through a brutal patch in his life. His wife had divorced him after having an affair with his stepbrother, and he had lost custody of his boy and girl in the ensuing battle.

He was emotionally shattered, but De Santo had tried to help. She'd listened to his problems, given him pep talks, taken him out for drinks.

When De Santo opened the door that Saturday night, Michael was smiling.

"Nina, I can't stay long," he said, pausing in the doorway. "I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for everything."

They chatted a bit more before Michael left and De Santo went home. On Sunday she received a strange call from a salon employee. Michael's body had been found the previous morning -- at least nine hours before she talked to him at her shop. He had committed suicide.

If Michael was dead, who, or what, did she talk to that night?

"It was very bizarre," she said of the 2001 encounter. "I went through a period of disbelief. How can you tell someone that you saw this man, solid as ever, walk in and talk to you, but he's dead?"

Today, De Santo has a name for what happened that night: "crisis apparition." She stumbled onto the term while reading about paranormal activities after the incident. According to paranormal investigators, a crisis apparition is the spirit of a recently deceased person who visits someone they had a close emotional connection with, usually to say goodbye.

As they chatted face to face in the doorway of her shop, De Santo said they never touched, never even shook hands. But she didn't remember anything unusual about him -- no disembodied voice, no translucent body, no "I see dead people" vibe as in the movie "The Sixth Sense."

"I'm in a really good place now," she recalled him saying.

There were, however, two odd details she noticed at the time but couldn't put together until later, she said.

When she first opened the door to greet Michael, she said she felt an unsettling chill. Then she noticed his face -- it was grayish and pale.

And when she held the door open for him, he refused to come in. He just chatted before finally saying, "Thanks again, Nina."

Michael then smiled at her, turned and walked away into the winter's night.

The energy never leaves the earth!

Dr. Q

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: The day life changed, the day I died! (part 2)

Today With Abilio, A View Of Life Accepting Death: The day life changed, the day I died! (part 2): This bog is with the assistance of Robert who watched me die and come back a different man on Feb 14, 2008! Part 2 One never forgets w...